Nyx-Aeterna

On May 20th, I flew to the United Kingdom to serve on an International Service Project. This program is through my university, and is a project that is meant to send teams of students to various parts of the world to serve field workers in connection with our school in any way needed. My team was sent to the United Kingdom to work with students at Aston and Birmingham University. 

I was told that this would be a life-changing experience, and didn't quite believe it, but it definitely was. For three weeks, I lived in one small room with one bathroom that didn't have a door, shared with ten girls. What should have been an extremely stressful situation was actually not! We worked every day, coming home late at night exhausted and getting up early in the morning to begin again. To highlight some of our work:

-we did childcare for a four-day retreat for a church in the countryside (and I learned that I actually work very well with kids, despite my fear of dropping them).
-we helped rebuild an abandoned building that will be used to house a community center in a rough area of town.
-helped gather donations (like clothes and other baby supplies) for a non-profit women's health center called Stillwaters, as well as spreading the word of this organization to various doctor's offices.
-made friends with several students from Aston and Birmingham Uni, and through them were able to reach out and serve these students through free food and revision events.

...plus a lot more, but those are just some highlights! I'm very glad to have had this opportunity to go out and serve communities in an area that most people write off as easy. My team made a difference in the lives of our field workers and the people we served, and I'm very honored to have been able to participate on the International Service Project!

Because I'm feeling conversational and also like telling people more about myself on the internet, I shall do so. Also I feel like dA is one of my most personal outlets. But I'll explain in the ten facts thingy.

Rules
1. Each person has to share 10 things about themselves. 
2. Answer the 10 questions asked to you and invent 10 questions for the people YOU tagged and they will answer them. 
3. Choose 10 people and put their icons on your journal. 
4. It's not like "you get tagged if you read this!" and the victims you choose don't have to do this if they don't want to. 
5. You have to choose 10 people.
6. And there's no tag backs! DON'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE

My 10 Facts
1. I'm on a serious Pink Floyd kick right now. As I write this I've got The Wall (album, not just song you wannabe hipsters) playing, and up next is Radiohead's The Bends and then OK Computer because I like music.
2. So about dA being one of my most personal outlets. I feel very restricted in my interactions with other people because (unfortunately) I do feel society's pressure on me to have a certain image, and I have a very nice image I guess. It IS honest, mind you, but what I don't like is that I'm only revealing a few things about myself to the general public, and not that much to my friends aside from a few close friends (like the lovely lady who tagged me in this journal!). But on dA, since I've been on here since I was 13, and kinda grew up a lot on this site and showed off my pictures and stuff, I feel more open, which is why I'll reveal--
3. I'm not a virgin. That's something I've had to come to terms with, going to a Christian university and all. 
4. I get really into books, and also find them to be a useful device to disappear into when I don't like living in my own skin. 
5. My characters are my children, primarily Nightrunner/Nyx Aeterna and 48. Nyx represents my growth as a person, but even now, with as much as I've grown up, I like to keep Nyx's character as a representative of my "dark" side, i.e. the imperfections, insecurities, etc. It makes her interesting. 
6. I REALLY LIKE THAI FOOD. A LOT.
7. I've been hurt/rejected by almost all of my "best friends," which over the years has given me some pretty deep trust issues, and probably contributed to number 2 on this list.
8. I weigh less than 100lbs. Before you flip your shit and call me anorexic, please note how tiny I am and my metabolism and realize that not every skinny person is anorexic. That pisses off literally every skinny person ever, when you categorize them as anorexic. THE MORE YOU KNOW
9. My boyfriend doubles as my best friend. I know everyone says that about their significant other, but it really is true in our case. It helps that our minds are always on the same frequency, so we can talk about anything and everything!
10. I want to be a speech-language pathologist when I grow up. And by grow up I mean finish these 6+ years of college it'll take to get there. ;-; Why do you need a master's degree and better to qualify as a physician ugh it's good but bad but DEBT fahk

This was harder than I thought! 0.0 I'm kinda boring. xD 

TwistedTwilighter's Questions
1. What is your favorite animal and what made you start to love them? 
A wolf. I don't really know what makes me love them, actually. xD I like that they have the pack mentality and love for one another, and the loyalty they represent. I also like the feral power and darkness that wolves have. And they're fluffy. I like fluffy things.

2. If you could be fluent in any language (besides your native tongue), which one would you choose?
Latin, because that would make learning Latin based languages a lot easier. 

3. If you have an OC, which one is your favorite and why? [[I wish I had this question >.< I could talk OC's all day lol]]
Mmm, toss up between Nyx and 48. 48 because I love how far she developed, from the kinda Mary Sue-ish beginning (I was 13 okay) to the strong and deep leader she became. Sad how she kinda died with my relationship with my ex, though. I was rejected from the RP group, which I understand because I was immature, but I miss her and those people a lot. 
Nyx because she is a representation of me, but in a negative way. That makes it interesting to write her, and makes her more fun to work with and develop. And she's so much fun to draw. Again, I like fluffy things. xD

4. What are a few of your biggest pet peeves?
Oh there are many. To name a few, I don't like when people see someone skinny and automatically assume they're anorexic/bulemic. It bugs me when people are music snobs and don't know how to read music. I also really don't like arrogance. Humility is something I really value in people, and arrogance is just ugly. Oh and hypocrites. Everyone is a hypocrite at some point, yes, but when you make a career out of it, that's a problem. 

5. What is your favorite movie of all time?
I HATE THIS QUESTION but I think Big Fish is probably my favorite. And Back to the Future. And a whole lot of other movies! 

6. Do you collect a certain type of thing, such as game cards, sea shells, stamps, etc?
Kinda. I mean, if the shells are there I'll collect them. And also cool rocks. But they have to look cool.

7. What is your dream job and why?
I would like to be Guy Fierri because how awesome would it be to get paid to drive around in a cool car, travel everywhere, and eat delicious food? 

8. Do I seem like a good person? [[lol loaded question >:}]]
You ARE a good person!!

9. Have you ever been in a car accident? If so, would you share what happened?
I haven't, thank God. And I hope I never am. >.<

10. What are your current obsessions as of the moment you're reading this? (Can be anything)
Uhh. Well, I'm always obsessed with music. I'm also obsessed with getting this semester of school paid for. Besides that I don't have much time to be obsessed with anything interesting. >.<

My Questions
1. What is the meaning of your username?
2. What do you see when you look in the mirror (this is meant to be an insightful question)?
3. Favorite food?
4. Who is one person, living or dead, that you wish you could be and why?
5. Favorite character of all time (yours or someone else's) and why?
6. Now who is your favorite of YOUR characters?
7. Favorite place to travel and why?
8. What is your favorite quality about yourself?
9. What is something you wish you could improve about yourself?
10. How do you know me, gurunoid? C:

Okay I don't really tag anyone but it would be cool if like CastoroChiaro and EvayoART and anyone really wanted to participate. And TwistedTwilighter you can do it too if you want. xD idc I'm just not good at tags.

;_;

As much as I love school and learning about the science of speech-language pathology and all that stuff, I really also love sleeping and a decent amount of free time. Unfortunately with my job and my school, I lack both of those things. ;-; This is a journal about me complaining about my future lack of sleep. I'll be utilizing my friends' apartments as places to take naps in because it's too much gas to leave school and come back for work. Ugh why

why though

they said going to university meant we'd change the world

they said we're the future of this country

they said they love us for all this

but schools have like no funding and as much financial aid as I get I'm still gonna be in debt

THANKS OBAMA



I'm sorry rant over

I might draw something for a change!

Anyway those of you who watch this page, do tell me how you're doing! I miss my friends on here.  

"Your dress is too short." You're distracting people, causing men to stumble.

"Cover up your shoulders." You're indecent, cover yourself.

"Your midriff is showing a little bit." You're a slut.

"That dress is too tight." You're practically naked, you hooker.

"Your dress isn't really flattering." You're disgusting, get cuter clothes.

"Isn't that skirt a little long? Why don't you show off your legs?" You frumpy prude.

"Those sleeves are too long for this weather." You're so impractical, you're not thinking straight.

...and so on and so forth.

I go to a Christian university where we have a dress code. I am in a relationship with a man whose family is from conservative India. I am a part of a culture that says women are sexual objects. And I want to wear whatever the hell I want.

On the Christian School
I understand the dress code, and I will happily follow it because of the financial aid and scholarships you're giving me. It is a private institution and I am okay with that. HOWEVER, I am NOT okay with the idea that I should dress "modestly" so that I don't cause men to "stumble." No. If we are going to be forced to dress in this modest fashion, let it not be to protect our poor young men from their overly excited penises. Instead, promote the idea of self-respect and respect for other people besides yourself, MEN AND WOMEN INCLUDED. Men, don't look at women like objects; instead, remember that women are humans just like you. Women, don't look at men as rapists who only want to mount you; instead, remember that men are humans just like you.

We are created in God's image, right? Isn't that what they tell us in chapel and Christian studies courses and, as always, the Bible? Then why are we being objectified and treated like the clothes we wear make us harlots? If we were created in God's image, then instead of looking at people for how they dress as ugly, look at the positives. This beautiful HUMAN is wearing clothes that they picked for themselves that make them feel happy. Be encouraging, not belittling. 

I've found my clothes to be ridiculed mostly by the choir at this school, which is why, despite being given over $4,000 to be a part of the choral program, I dropped out. GIRLS in this choir were and continue to be verbally abusive to each other based on their clothes. The leaders told their "subordinates" (me and everyone else, actually) to cover ourselves, our dresses are too short, you're a distraction, cover yourself! And would then call us sluts and cheap hookers behind our backs. This is not fair in the least. As a culture, women are told that what we wear makes us bad. As women, shouldn't we be encouraging each other and telling each other to dress in a way that makes us feel beautiful and happy? 

On today's culture

Let me make this clear: WHAT YOU WEAR DOES NOT MAKE YOU A "SLUT," "CHEAP HOOKER," WHATEVER ELSE. It's all about how you carry yourself. People should not be abused for what they wear. Actions speak a lot louder than fabric, and as a woman who really likes fashion and cute clothes, I don't appreciate being thought of as disgusting because my shoulders are showing, or because I feel like showing off my navel piercing today, or because my skirt/dress doesn't fall past the knee. How you dress is NOTHING compared to HOW YOU CARRY YOURSELF. You can be dressed in a potato sack and act sexual, just like you can be dressed in a bikini and act in a modest fashion. It's all about how you carry yourself. 

Is your skirt a little short? Is that man across the street looking at you in a lewd fashion? Then I guess that makes you a slut, and you are completely responsible for how that man's penis is lusting for you.

No.

Does that skirt make you look beautiful in your eyes? Do you feel confident and happy today, flaunting the beautiful legs God gave you? Then by all means, wear that skirt! Work it! That creepy man who is staring at your legs is responsible for his own actions and thoughts-- YOU ARE NOT.

Now, men often get a bad rep from feminists today. We say they exist only to objectify women and call them evil for treating us like little sex dolls. And yet, in my experience, most men are not this way. Men generally remember that women are people just like them, from my experience. That's not to say that I haven't been objectified by men or treated in a demeaning way because of how I dress or because of a man's sexuality. But remember that BOTH genders are responsible for how we treat each other. Be good to PEOPLE, and remember that we ALL deserve the right to dress and think how we want, but that we also deserve respect.

On my culture barriers

This one is a personal rant, and is not meant to be a standard in any way. 

I am always concerned before going to my boyfriend's house because of his parents' critical eye. Is my dress too short? Are my shoulders showing too much? Am I wearing too much makeup? Am I wearing enough makeup? Will I be talking too much? Oh God I'm so nervous I'll just be a wreck and then I'll be chattering too much and on top of my already slutty-in-their-eyes clothes I'm also rambling and I'm annoying and girls should be quieter and dress modestly--

No. Stop it. Please. 

I'm an American girl. A California girl-- people write SONGS about California girls. I look fantastic in dresses, I can rock a bikini, I wear tasteful shorts and cute clothes based on current fashions of my culture. I dress in a tasteful way: my skirts/dresses range from mid-thigh to ankle length, I have long shorts, and I have shirts that are flattering and cute while not showing very much skin at all. That's me. This American, California girl culture is not accepted in India. And you know what? If I were in India, I'd be wearing a kurta and pants on casual days, a sari for fancy days, and long skirts and conservative feminine clothing from my American closet for the days in between. 

But frankly, this is America. I respect your culture. But you need to respect mine. If what I'm wearing is considered tasteful and modest in my culture, then you need to respect that what I am wearing is acceptable here. I will wear conservative clothing in your home out of respect for your culture, but outside the house, I'm going to wear what makes me happy. If that's shorts and a t-shirt, I'm wearing it. If that's a long, flowing skirt and a crop top, I'm wearing it. Respect is a two way street. 



Modesty is subjective and often abusive these days. Girls, wear whatever the hell makes you happy. Boys, wear whatever the hell makes you happy. Girls, don't objectify boys. Boys, don't objectify girls. Most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF. Don't let the abusive modesty police bring you down.

/end rant

On a lighter note, I'm pretty much recovered from my surgery. I passed my anatomy class. And life is good!

..."It'll be the worst sore throat of your life." 

Now, considering I had this tonsillectomy because I've had chronic sore throats for the past 5+ years and because of a nasty problem with tonsil stones (don't know what those are? Don't look them up; they're disgusting little shits), I didn't think my sore throat would be THAAAT bad.

LOLOLOL I WAS WRONG IT'S SO BAD BAHAHA

I mean I'm having so much ice cream and frozen yogurt and Italian ice and whatnot, but omf. It really does hurt. And this pain medication they have me on is really fricken RAD. I mean wow, it really does make the pain go away. The only sucky part is that I literally can't do anything cuz it makes the world kinda spin and if I'm lying down I feel like I'm floating sometimes. My mom was like, "Yeah, some people do that for fun," and I get if you like that sorta stuff, but I just could never get into it. I don't like it. >.<

But yeaahhh so I had my tonsils out on Tuesday, and I'm on strict vocal rest for at least three weeks. The perks of being a professional singer. :'D But I really am glad to have gotten this surgery. It'll improve my voice by adding some much-needed space to my throat, and will take care of those nasty sore throats I've had pretty much every day for a ridiculously long time. All the nurses were like "dude why did you take so long" and stuff. 

BUT THIS ONE NURSE he was going around and thought I didn't notice him in a cheetah-print lead apron singing the Gaston song from Beauty and the Beast. Totally made up for the violently sore throat (well no it sucks but hey he was funny). 

SOOO how is everyone else? c: